Blog

I Will Always Love You

by Nu (Australia)

Omg wtf have I done! I hate myself so much right now.

I don’t want this text message to end is that selfish of me? I know it has to.

I’m the biggest idiot ever for losing a man like you, my soulmate, even if you don’t want to believe that. I royally f**ked up this time. Giving into drugs and for losing you.

I wish all the happiness that the world can give you.

I hope one day you find that someone special that you can see spending the rest of your life with. I don’t want to say goodbye!!

I can’t it hurts so much I’ve messed everything up!! I’m not touching drugs again. I started to get paranoid. I thought I heard you skateboarding. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

I still don’t want to say goodbye if I do than I know it’s final and I don’t want this to be over. I know my heart will always belong to you.

Tell me it’s not over please? If you say it is then I will go away.

Why couldn’t I just give you the space?

I already know the answer it’s because I didn’t think you’d want me. That you’d realise that you are better off without me. Am I being selfish there?

On the other hand I gave you the space and we couldn’t stay away from each other.

In the future please don’t try and make plans with me for you to only turn around and say you want space and we agreed on that. I understand you wanting to reconnect with your daughter and friends, but don’t I hold a bit of value in your life to make a little bit of time for me?

I get so bloody excited when we make plans together, but in the end I am left confused, disappointed and frustrated that you can’t see how much that hurts me.

I know we have had a rocky relationship because drugs were involved when we first met and when I thought I had lost you that one night that you went missing. I thought you were hurt and you couldn’t ask for help because you left your phone at the scene. I was distraught and I even drove to your parents house to see if they had heard from you.

I won’t ever forget the look on your dad’s face. I could tell he was so sad and worried about his baby boy. At that moment I actually realised I put my parents through the same thing.

The next day I received a phone call from your dad saying you were OK. The tears of joy started streaming down my face.

I accused you of things and you said some really hurtful things to me. I even questioned my own sanity, but you may be right I might have something there and I am going to get the help that I need especially being so emotional. I was being selfish there.

I hate myself more than ever. I don’t like this feeling of emptiness.

Before you came into my life I couldn’t imagine being with a guy.

The walls that I had up close to 34 years came tumbling down in under 5 months. For the first time I wanted something and someone to share my life with.

I know everyone says this in a relationship that they are the one. I can’t explain it, but I know we were meant to find each other and heal together.

Now me being me I have pushed you so far away that there is no coming back. Well that’s what I think, but in the past I have been wrong. Maybe you do feel this connection that’s why we can’t let go of each other!

I love you so much Lach words wouldn’t be enough to describe and tell you. I would without a hesitation take a bullet for you.

I want you to be happy even if your happiness isn’t with me, but I know your happiness with me. This is the part that hurts the most coming to the end or is it the beginning of new and exciting things I don’t know?

All I know is I am so head over heels in love with you and I can’t ever get my heart back. My heart will always belong to you. If we are meant to be which I do believe we will find each other when you are ready for me, but don’t wait too long.

If I am pregnant I will let you know. I kinda wish that I am because I would make a great mum and I want to be a mum even if I am a single mum or having you beside me.

I won’t say goodbye Lachlan because I don’t want what we have to end, but two people have to fight for each other not just one. I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment, but so do I, but I am still fighting but silently, because I don’t want to hurt you and make you say things like I am smothering you.

How can I be if you only respond to me every 24hrs. Yes that’s where the text messages start because I don’t know what you want from me!

I have my flaws and you have your flaws and I love every flaw of yours because it made you the man I fell so hard for and in a short time, which never happens.

I will miss your smile, when you smile it lights up my world. Your beautiful eyes the way they change colours depending on your moods. You saying it will be OK. I am here with you. Your laughter, your tears, your personality and how you made me feel.

You made me want to be better and I changed my views on a lot of things.

I have never listened to someone so much in my life. Your green thumb because we know I am a plant killer. I will miss your lame jokes even though mine aren’t any better. Most of all I will miss you hugs and kisses and your smell.

I also want to say the biggest thank you helping me.

When a person bends over backwards to help a person who they barely know. It shows what kind of a person they are.

You have value and integrity. Don’t ever doubt yourself Lach you are one of a kind. I will miss you so so much.

I have to be patient because I know you will be back. I’ll love you forever Lach no matter what happens in the future just remember that. I LOVE YOU LACHLAN.

March 23, 2023
I Would Be Better & Understand

by Tyler

Emily,

I am sorry. I am sorry that I failed to serve, and love, and encounter you when the moment was there for us. To seize the day.

To act when the moment was there for you, for me, for us to talk and be together.

I am sorry that I did not stay and talk with you in the kitchenette that night in the ministry tower, the night before prison ministry. I am sorry that I did not go with you to the SOS conference held upstairs in the museum. You asked me to go but I didn’t.

In hindsight I understand these things, but in the moment I did not understand them.

I did not understand what you were asking or what was happening. Neither time. Please believe that I did not see these opportunities, but had I been aware of them and understood, I would have acted.

You see, I have mild autism and as a result I do not always pick up on these sorts of things until I think about it deeply afterwards.

I so wish that I had spent those times with you.

Nothing could have made me happier or more content. To be in your company and to talk and spend time there with you. It leaves sad memories, but if I had the choice to relive my life with better knowledge, or with what I know now, or even just to be certain to take those opportunities to the full in those moments, I would.

I am not content with the choices I made that lead us to where we are now, I would be other than I am if I had the choice.

I do not embrace the nature of my past path and footsteps. I do not believe that we are our actions or that our actions create us. Our results in our lives are not the true definition or representation of who and what we are, or who we truly are deep down, or what we are meant to be.

Christ’s grace shows us this.

I would not choose my own past actions again, the results have been too desolate.

I would choose to relive it all again from the beginning and I would take those opportunities and I would relive my life for your sake, and for mine. I would do it better, and differently, and in some ways – possibly many ways – I would do it the same.

If you were willing, hopefully, it would be for our sake. It would be this way because instead of being a choice, or desire, or endeavor to try again just for one or just for the other, we both might have desired the unseen ending of another story and been happy about it together in a different life and destiny.

Even if I am wrong and we are constituted of our pasts and actions, then I would deny and reject my own present and past self and I would choose to be someone and something else for your sake and for the sake of the universe in which we are.

There is nothing that has made me happier than to hear your voice, either in pen or in air.

I am sorry.

There were so many things I could do better. I am sorry for not being better in all the ways that I could have been better, and for not doing everything better which I could have done better.

Please though, do know that in all this I was following rules: rules which are set out for me as my rules of engagement. These rules are those by which I act and follow all my own honor and integrity – and that from God.

All in all, I desire to be respectful and to only act by what I consider to be the “front door.” Since the meek are blessed, I also seek to be so.

I should have been more flexible to do what you wanted me to do and to consider alternative ways of relating. I am sorry for that, too. But the answer to all of this is that I love you, truly truly – and I always have, and I always will. And, my love is true and pure.

I still have sunlight in my bones for you.

I am sorry for my word of the past which were not good or kind or true. My unkind words were not true.

Sincerely yours,

Tyler

March 23, 2023
If Only You Knew My Love

Perfect Match (London)

If only you knew…What’s in front of you

I had to send this out to you, …María
An angel from heaven,
If only you knew,
You shine bright,
Like yellow,
Spreader wing, Caribbean lady,
So special,
Eyes touch souls, voice cast spells,
On hearts,
Knew you were great from the start,
Ambitious and courageous,
A lady, who drives me crazy,
You’re far from basic…

March 23, 2023
Ivy, My Symbol

By Jon (Liberty Township, OH)

Ivy,

The world is full of symbols. A thing which has a special meaning to one person may mean something different to another.

There are some who might keep a special place in their heart for a book that reminds them of their youth. Some might cherish the full moon because it has been present on every good occasion in their life.

You, Ivy, are that symbol in my life. You remind me of those romantic years of my youth, full of hope and unending love.

You are beautiful and graceful. Your leaves never sacrifice their color and you cling to what you grow upon, the same way you cling to my heart.

The people in the UK call you “Bindwood” or “Lovestone”. Some still place you in their wedding bouquets. Did you know that? You were a sign of fidelity to the ancient Greeks and they would do that for newlyweds. Speaking of fidelity, I have ever been faithful in keeping you, a symbol of my most guarded secret.

No one knows what you mean to me save God and one other. I can’t reveal you.

No one would understand and if they did, they would take offense. You make me smile and yet you wound me. You remind me of what is lost, which breaks my heart because of that which was so good and true and is gone out of my life forever.

Do you remember when you became what you are to me?

How silly it seemed to take such a simple thing and attribute it to something that meant so much and permeated every fiber of my being. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You adorn my home, my Facebook page, and even the art that I doodle in my notebooks.

You are always there, right in the forefront of my mind; always there to remind me of memories that prick my heart. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t wish to lose you. There is so much good that you bring to my mind and for that I shall always be grateful.

I shall always treasure you, Ivy.

My literal Lovestone; my blessing and my curse. I love you.

March 23, 2023
Letter of Love: the One That Got Away

by Peter J.

Dear Grace,

You were the love of my life and I didn’t even know it …And I let you go because of my ego.

We were both stationed in the Caribbean, in the Navy. I was young and stupid. You were young and beautiful. It was the most wonderful time in my life.

We worked together, we laughed together, we played together. Those romantic walks on the beach at sunrise, the way your hair would blow in the ocean breeze, the way you teased me. All these memories bring tears to my eyes.

Our love was pure joy. It was comfort, security, lust, companionship all rolled into one.

March 23, 2023
Letter to My Distant Sweetheart

by Jonah Kirabo

It’s been a few months now since the last time I saw you but I still remember the very moment that I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

It was actually a Friday like this one and I was sitting somewhere in the corner that I saw you talking about something that you seemed to be very passionate about with a group of friends. At that moment, I knew that I wanted to do life with you.

I started imagining you and I talking about things that set our souls on fire.

I imagined you and I talking about our dreams, our future projections and things that we’re both very passionate about. I built castles in the air and I still remember how this made me feel about you.

I will be honest with you; I was scared of approaching you until I told myself that I had nothing to lose if you had pushed me away. But now that you didn’t, I know that I really had a lot to lose.

You added taste to my tasteless life.

I am not sure if the moments we had, the eats we shared, and the talks, the laughter, the pictures and the experiences we went through together still mean anything to you. On my side, these are things I will forever cherish and I promise to keep them close until the end of time. They will never fade.

Letting you go at the end of your scheduled stay was one of the most painful things that I have had to endure all my life and look at us now, separated by boarders, gigantic rivers, tallest of mountains and deepest lakes.

I have never really cared about Valentines Day all my life but seeing all these couples and a lot of red without you next to me fills my heart with a feeling of downheartedness.

I do miss everything about you and this letter is just to let you know that one-day, if you let me, I will gather strength to embark on a journey to try and find you.

I will find you.

Happy valentines, from wherever you’re reading this from.

March 23, 2023
Long Distance Love Letters

Distance makes the heart grow fonder yet we know being separated is a tough situation.

These long distance love letters make your love grow stronger. Receiving a letter letting your faraway love know how you feel is the best way to keep the bloom of romance fresh. Find ways to pour your heart out on the page, seal it up, send it off, post it here and surprise your better half.

Until you can be together, love letters will make the miles apart disappear and you two will joined in that moment.

March 23, 2023
Look at Us Going the Distance

by Ocean Eyes ( Where the Southern Lights meet the Northern Star )

Dear Weirdo

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t enjoy your company… The sweet presence of your spirit… And your gentle whispers, keep me in a world where opinions are so toxic. You are the keeper of my heart… And I trust you more than any human.

Late October when we separated, people said we wouldn’t make it… But we did… I am forever grateful for your undying zeal to not give up on us. Look at us going the distance.

You are so patient, gentle and yet strong. Full of light, beauty, depth and inspiration…

You tell me often perfection doesn’t exist… Perhaps you are right, but honestly… Your love is perfect.

The way you love me, your daughters, and the people around you is blameless… Trust me… You love so unconditionally… Thank you.

I fell in love with you when my best friend at the time introduced me to you… I looked you up and instantly fell in love with your zeal for God. I guess it was love at first sight but more platonic.

Then over time your heart got me…. You’re oh so pure heart… Then it was your sexy mind… Then I tripped over your depth… You are a beautiful woman… But my initial attraction was the God in you… Just needed you to know this…. I never, ever was conscious of your name… I guess that’s why I broke boundaries… I never got it.. I still don’t… I’m a weirdo.

Baby the rest is a wild crazy ride full of….. Passing each other by and never saying hi, being in the same room and missing each other… (I still kick my ass 4 that one), oh and wee oh wee like a cop car, hearts on the wall, Koolaid, Will Smith, a lesson on soap in the wrong places lol, and last but not least and never complete one of the greatest gifts you ever gave me… Your love, your love, your love… And my mom + my brother (rip).

You are impeccable… Different, classy, sexy, honest, open, brave, passionate, inspirational, intelligent, genius, creative, talented, positive, and there is no one like you.

You are special and don’t exist typically… But I’m glad you do.

You are so much like me… Twinning… Yet different. You are independent and don’t need me. But you have grown to want me and value who I am as a person.

I trust you completely.

It was rough… I don’t know the details… But nothing you did was ever wrong or evil… Or even a mistake… It was suppose to happen…

You often said you regret things… And that’s your truth… But honestly I never cared about anyone’s feelings… Just yours… I wanted to know where your head was…

Everything was so contradicting and I never could believe or understand… Setting things aside and directly… All is forgiven… Just blue talk and laughs… And love… What a ride.

You only ever did the best you could. You always do. Thank u.

You ride for me, I am yours… I know this now. As you are mine. Only you. I cut all old energies off forever and evermore.

Thank you for being you. I cant wait to travel and spend my life with you and build something that will last forever..

Lastly, I cant wait to make love to you… But our souls will long before we touch….

Can’t wait till we reunite… Its been a hard time apart.

I miss you.

I love you,
Your weirdo

March 23, 2023
Love Hurts Poems

Love hurts, poems about heartbreak and the painful side of love. Most, if not all of us, have experienced at least once in our lives, our world being shaken to its core. A love somehow gone wrong…

Why does love make you feel so alive?
Then a simple heartbreak makes it all feel so dead.
One moment you soar, the next you dive,
Deep in despair and back into bed.

Like an angel sent from above,
One true kiss and right from the start
You had me in love.
Then the devil came through and tore us apart,
Sending our romance away with a cold cruel shove.
Crushed and lonely, you’ve broken my heart.

You told me you love me and I got excited.
Throwing a love party and we were both invited.
Don’t tell me it’s over and that we’ll be apart.
You gave me the news and it’s breaking my heart.

Love hurts, poems don’t do justice,
To the pain caused and heartbreak.
You had my love, my heart, my soul
You tore them apart, I’m no longer whole
They say that this is just a part of life,
To learn and grow, but it cuts like a knife.

You did me wrong, left me high and dry.
You took my world, caused a fallen sky
Don’t ever, ever think about returning,
My flame for you, is no longer burning.

I opened my arms, my heart and my soul,
Entrusting you with each to gently hold.
At first, you honored our bond so true
And then, right out of the blue
Our bond was broken and cast aside
How long now must my wounded heart hide?

Roses are read,
Violets are blue.
Lies and deceit,
Make any love dead.

March 23, 2023
Love Is Complicated

by LC (Lexington)

I’m really unsure where to start. I think about how grateful I am to know you quite often. I feel like a lot of random little things had to come together in the right way to make our lives cross paths, and even more had to happen for us to actually make as much of an impact on one another as we have.

I guess it’s like that with everyone, but it’s different…I guess just cause it’s you and you’re different. For me at least.

Basically I think I’m just trying to say I’m really glad I met you, and I’m even more glad that I was able to recognize how important your role in my life was going to be.

I don’t know how to explain the way something in me just knew I was going to love you, like really deeply love you even before I really had any reason to believe it.

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I just worked too hard to rush the universe, and that’s why our timing has always seemed off.

I’m not supposed to believe in that stuff. Maybe I don’t believe in it, and this is just my brain trying to make up dumb excuses for why I can’t seem to get you out of my head these days. Or why I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since before I even met you.

I guess it doesn’t really matter, because all I know is that something about you has always pulled me in.

The feeling that we would always come back to one another may be naïve, and the actions that this feeling allowed me to take may have been selfish, but that doesn’t erase the fact that I still can’t imagine not having you in my life.

You have sparked so much growth in me already, and I am so grateful for the light you shed on me and my flaws and my strengths and the work I have left to do on myself. The way we interact with one another has not always been kind or gentle, but it has always been impactful.

In addition, some of my happiest memories have been with you, and some of my strongest emotions have been for you (both positive and negative).

I pride myself on being an open person, but I can honestly say that you are the person who I have given the most of myself to. For that reason you are able to see me, truly see me, in a way that can be triggering and frustrating, but also necessary.

I think about our relationship now, and I often feel frustrated, nostalgic, angry, shameful, embarrassed, and broken. There are times when I wonder if my life would’ve been easier had I never met you, and maybe it would’ve been, but it sure as heck wouldn’t have been better.

I can’t write my story without you in it. I loved you, in the truest, scariest way, I really loved you, and I felt you love me back.

I think part of me will always actively refuse to fall out of love with you, regardless of your feelings towards me (or lack thereof). I’m gradually learning to accept my continued feelings for you as okay and to see them as compatible with the possibility of me being happy with and loving someone else.

That being said, I need you in my life.

I’m so glad that you’re still here and that I still know we care for each other deeply. I’m working on accepting our friendship for what it is and on simply being grateful that at one point in time we chose each other at the same time.

Think about how beautiful it is that for a moment, you were my person, and I was yours. I hope that I made an impact on you the way you made an impact on me.

I know I have a million “what if’s” constantly floating around in my head, but I think you’ll always be my biggest one. What if we had met at a different time in our lives? What if I hadn’t broken up with you when I did? What if you had forgiven me when I begged for you back?

The answers are irrelevant, but my biggest fear is that they’ll always take up so much space in my heart that I’ll be incapable of letting anyone get as close to me as I let you.

The comfort I feel with you is incomparable to what I have felt with anyone else, and that feeling of home was immediate. It’s terrifying how quickly I fell for you, and it’s even more terrifying how quickly my “logic and rationality” got in the way despite the fact that I’ve always considered my head to be my biggest ally, and my heart to be the enemy.

This is getting gross and poetic, I know. It’s a good thing no one will ever read it, because it’s all over the place oops.

I wish I could explain the way I love you and why I do and put it all into words, but I can’t. You’re not perfect. It’s not even that I think you’re perfect for me. We can’t stand each other sometimes, and for all I know we would’ve made each other miserable had we stayed together.

But…the fact still remains that I think I would choose an effortful relationship with you over an easy one with anyone else.

That’s not toxic right? You make me happy,. Even when I’m furious, I’m happy. Does that make sense? I never thought I was capable of caring about someone as deeply as I care for you, but alas, here we are.

I love you. I’m in love with you. I’m letting you go. I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy.

You’re important to me. I’m sorry. Truly, sincerely, I’m sorry.

I did certain things because I was stubborn and scared and stupid. I don’t know if you’ve forgiven me yet, but I hope you eventually can because I’m working on forgiving myself.

I forgive you too. I don’t even know if you did anything wrong or if you did more wrong than me or if you were perfect, but regardless, I forgive you.

I forgive us.

March 23, 2023