Use one prompt per letter, not three. The shape of a love letter is one moment, said well, not a tour of every moment in the relationship.
Theme one: the day we met
The origin story is a good prompt because it has built in specifics. You remember the room, the time of year, the conversation. Pick one detail and build the letter around it.
- Write about the first thing they said to you. Not what you said back, what they said.
- Write the first moment you thought “I want to know this person better.”
- Write about the room or the place you met, in enough detail that the reader can see it.
- Write what you told a friend about them the day after.
- Write the letter you would have written if you had known how this was going to go.
Theme two: what I notice about you
Love is mostly noticing. These prompts give you somewhere to put what you have noticed and never said out loud.
- Write about the thing they do when they are concentrating that no one else has ever mentioned to them.
- Write about how they greet someone they have not seen for a long time.
- Write about a habit they have that other people might find annoying and that you have come to love.
- Write about the way they handle a phone call from someone they are worried about.
- Write about the look on their face when they are about to laugh and trying not to.
Theme three: the small things
The small things are the proof of the love. Big gestures get talked about, small ones get felt. Maria Popova on the Keats love letters makes the same point: it is the daily noticing, not the grand declaration, that the letters keep coming back to.
- Write about a meal they cooked for you that you will remember in twenty years.
- Write about a cup of tea or coffee they made you that you did not have to ask for.
- Write about a small kindness they did for someone else that you watched.
- Write about the time they remembered something you had only mentioned once.
- Write about the song that comes on and reminds you of the most ordinary thing about your life together.
Theme four: when things were hard
Letters that name a hard time land harder than letters that pretend the year was easy. These prompts are for the harder side of the story.
- Write about the night they sat with you through something you did not want to do alone.
- Write about the year that nearly broke you both, and the thing they did that kept it together.
- Write about a conversation where they listened and did not try to fix it.
- Write about the time you were not at your best and they stayed anyway.
- Write about the small thing they kept doing during a hard time, the cup of tea, the walk, the offer of dinner, that you noticed and never mentioned.
Theme five: what I’d say if I were braver
These are the prompts most people skip. They are also the ones that produce letters that get kept.
- Write the thing you have been thinking and not saying for the last six months.
- Write the apology you owe them that has never made it out loud.
- Write the thank you you have been carrying around since the start of the relationship.
- Write the line you would put on a letter if you knew they would find it in twenty years.
- Write what you wish you had said the last time you almost did.
Theme six: for the days ahead
End on something forward looking. Not a promise about forever. A small plan. A wish. A line about a season that is coming.
- Write about a place you want to go together that you have not been yet.
- Write about a habit you want the two of you to keep, or to start.
- Write a wish for the next twelve months, in one sentence.
- Write about a Tuesday five years from now and what you hope it looks like.
- Write the line you want to close every future letter to this person with.
How to use these prompts
Pick one. Read it twice. Set a ten minute timer. Write whatever comes, do not edit as you go, do not look back. When the timer goes off, look at what you have.
Cut anything that sounds like a card. Keep the lines that sound like you talking at the kitchen sink. Those lines are the letter. The rest was the warm up.
If you have a paragraph you like, paste it into the shape on the page about how to write a love letter and write the rest around it. If you want more starting points before you commit, the love letter ideas page has twenty two more, grouped by relationship stage. For the first love letter, the page on the first love letter covers what to leave in and out.
Frequently asked questions
How long should I spend on a prompt before I start the letter?
Ten to fifteen minutes of free writing on the prompt, then move on. Longer than that and you are writing two letters. The point of the prompt is to crack open the first line. Once you have it, stop the free writing and start the real letter.
Can I combine two prompts in one letter?
You can, but the letter usually gets weaker. One prompt, one moment, one letter. Save the second prompt for next month. Letters with one focus point land harder than letters that try to cover three.
What if none of the prompts feel right?
Read them through again and notice which one made you uncomfortable. The prompt that you wanted to skip is often the one with the most fuel in it. The discomfort is a signal that you have something real to say there.
Should I tell them I used a prompt?
No. The prompt was a doorway. Once you have the letter, the doorway is invisible. The reader does not need to know how you got to the first sentence, only that the rest of the letter is yours.
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