Love Letters to Him

by Jr (NY)

I wonder
Do you miss me?
I wonder
Do you still think of me?
I wonder
What now? Give up? Fight? Or just let you go.

You permeate my thoughts, desires, and wildest of dreams.
Why did I leave? I ask myself the same.
But at times, I knew the reasons.
I knew we were not meant to be.
I knew, I was no longer your everything

You promised me you’d marry me some day?
You promised me a house in the country.
You promised to always protect me, keep me warm, and keep me safe.

Careful what you wish for. I say that today.
For today my wish of you gone has come and gone.
I wished you away. And away now you are gone.
Gone away forever, only for another heart to take my place.

I want you happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. That’s all I’ve ever said.
So, tonight, as I write this, I admit my mistake, the error of my ways.
A cross that I will bear forever. For you were kind, gentle, and pure with my heart.
I love you today, tomorrow and forever.
Only to suffer and crumble upon my frail, what once was, frail …..eternal heart.

For two days, tormented and afraid.
Afraid of what will be….what will be of my heart….my memories…and mostly…love for you.
My desire to think of you yet six months later still feels like it was the first day you kissed me.
How I long for that feeling once again.

I had promised to myself never to bother you again.
Never to cause you pain ever again.
And so as I finish my love letter, I am only forced to destroy it.
I sacrificed my eternal love for you, so you could be free.
Free from the very self you have always wanted to destroy.
The very self you have tried to.


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