Love Letters to Her

by Billy

My Darling Chérie,

You are the light that shines through the darkness for me. You are my beacon, my lighthouse, my love.

When I think about all that you’ve done for me and all the times you’ve been there for me, I worry that I’m not worthy of you or your love.

When I betrayed your trust by telling you that I did not want to marry you, it simply wasn’t true. It was a lie.

I want you to be happy more than anything in the world and hope that one day you will fully forgive me for those words and allow me to make it up to you. I’m diligently working on it and am hoping you will welcome me back fully into your heart one day soon, when I get down on bended knee.

The truth is I am weak and scared. I’m frightened about having you in my life and then losing you. Our love is too much for me sometimes, too good to be true. I shy away from committing to you because I’m afraid you will go away somehow because of something I did, said, or circumstance.  My love for you is so strong that I have trouble holding on to the thought of us being together always. I question why I should be so blessed to be your chosen one.

The strangest part of all is that if you came to me today and said you wanted to be with another guy because he makes you happy, I would immediately let you go to him. Knowing I want your happiness that much is what makes me so sure of my love for you.

Not a day goes by that I do not regret those words and wish I could take them back. I hurt you deeply and will always be sorry for that.  You are the love of my life and have built a home in my heart.

I remember the first holiday we took together as a couple and how happy we were. It was during that trip when these fears began. I realized how happy I was and couldn’t imagine my life without you. I want more of those times with you, I want a life with you and I hope you feel the same even after I said what I did.  I cherish every second we spend together and will always love you.

I write this to you as my confession.  I write this to you because I love you so much yet or some reason was still able to hurt you.

I am confessing to you now because you mentioned there were things you did not like in our relationship. My behavior, actions, and words are often driven by my fears and I am working on conquering them so that they don’t destroy us. I’m not sure how much of a big deal all this is for you, but it’s a huge deal for me. So I am taking control early, and fixing myself because I now recognize the problem.

I love you dearly and I am working to become the man you deserve.

I love you. Forever.



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