A Letter To My HS Classmate-turned-Lover,
I really didn’t expect things to turn out the way they are now. Back in HS, sometime almost 2 decades ago, we were two completely opposite individuals and we both knew that.
Fast forward to 2019 – the year we crossed paths, the year it all started.
You are in a steady relationship for almost 5 years now and I am married for almost 4 years but technically, my husband and I are together since 2014 and we have a kid. The question is, why now that we are both off the market? Why not a couple of years ago?
I remember we were just casually texting – throwing jokes, green jokes included, at each other. But I knew we were both having fun and enjoying each other’s company. Until we were used to it – the daily exchange of funny and flirty messages became part of our every day.
We do have a lot of things in common, share the same interest on a couple of things.
To me, you light that fire inside of me. I never felt this way before. But at the back of my head lingers a lot of questions. Some questions I don’t want to know the answers to because I know there are answers that will just tear my heart apart. Sometimes not knowing the answers are a lot better, or I should say, maybe I already knew the answers but not the way I wanted them to be.
I keep asking myself, what if we are just lonely because we are both on LDR? What if we are just bored looking for some fun and excitement? What if this is merely a game to you? What if this is not real???
Whatever your answers to that, here’s mine.
I can’t stop thinking about you.
I check my phone from time to time to look for your messages. I feel butterflies in my stomach whenever you tell me that you want to kiss me, make love with me and miss me. Before I go to sleep at night, I look at your pictures and sometimes read again those cheesy messages you’ve sent me.
I fantasize making love to you, honestly.
Crazy and stupid, I know. I actually don’t know why I am feeling this way.
Yes, I do have lots of worries and pain as well. I am hurt knowing that I am not your priority. I deserve more and we both knew that. You just reply to my messages after you replied to hers. You love her and you will choose her, I know.
I worry that I will fall deeply for you and you won’t. I fear that what we have now will soon have to end.
Life is uncertain – full of twists and surprises. I guess if I will think too much about what will happen in the future, I will miss the opportunity to enjoy what is happening at present. I believe it is not all about the destination, it is the journey that is more important.
I am happy with you right now and that is all that matters most to me. And I hope you are too.
Wherever life may lead us, you will always be a beautiful experience to me.
Like the song that goes, “Nobody knows where it might end up”. So I’ll definitely take my shot. Who knows, it will end up the way I wanted it to be.
Looking forward to seeing you and be with you soon.
I love you.