Love Letters to Her

by ‘Vroom’

Happy Birthday Wenting

It’s been a whole year since I gave you that burrito blanket, I hope it has brought you joy and some funny conversations along with it

For your birthday this year I wanted to do something different and I don’t know exactly what it is but I just want to talk to you. Do you remember when you would just tell me all of your thoughts when you’d go to sleep? Sort of like that? Not expecting a response back but just wanted to tell you a few things!

OK here goes nothing:

The actual definition of sunshine is:
a. direct sunlight unbroken by cloud, especially over a comparatively large area.
b. the warmth and light given by the sun’s rays

But I think the real definition of sunshine is you.

When I said you were my sunshine, I meant that with my whole being in every sense of the word. Nothing has changed. But being the sun is a thankless job. The sun shines light on so many people and doesn’t ask for anything in return nor can anyone really do anything for the sun.

I’m forever grateful for every conversation or memory that we shared. You positively impacted me in ways you can’t even imagine.

You were my first friend, the first person I was ever able to open up to and be myself unapologetically. You probably knew me better than I know myself.

You taught me how to learn to take care and better myself every day.  You taught me and dared me to follow my dreams when I was hesitating whether they were important. I went to my first festival and made so so so many friends and memories because you told me to go to Moonrise.

You supported me everyday and that’s tough especially for a designer! PAY YOUR CREATIVES!

Thank you for all the art you did for me from the Flicka projects to the porter pictures you painted for me.  Thank you for starting to teach me how to use Photoshop (I haven’t touched it since then but I will soon hehe) and let me make my first cover photo!

Thank you for teaching me so much about activism and trying to better the world.  I know at first I wasn’t really all about it fearing to be political and have my own opinions.  I learned so much from you here and I finally (not to be corny but) woke up.  I appreciate all the work you do for the causes and how tirelessly and selflessly you are in them!  It’s hard work but its necessary!

The earth doesn’t deserve the sun. The people on this planet treat this planet as an object that they can manipulate and control while it is a living breathing beautiful planet that deserves so much more.

And since you are the sun, the world doesn’t deserve you.

You are too kind
You are too caring
You are too loving
You are too smart
You are too hardworking
You are too nice
You are too perservering
You are too beautiful
You are too cute
You are too fashionable
You are too resourceful
You are too creative
You are too amazing

I’m sorry that I ever took you for granted because frankly you were the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I just always kinda assumed that because of all that we have been through together that we would always be together. Oh how naive I was. I thought I could take a little break in investing in you and enjoy the rewards of all that I spent building our relationship. That’s not the right way to look at people ever.

I’m learning slowly but surely.  I’m sorry for all that I did to ever hurt you.  It was never intentional because there is no way I would ever want to hurt someone as precious as you.

I’m going to just be very, very honest right now and it might be weird, it might be awkward, but it must be done.

Every minute that I spent with you,  I fell in love with you more.  Loving you was so easy and having to say no to dating you freshman year was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I had finally found someone who cared about me as much as I cared about them and I just didn’t want to do anything to ever mess that up.

When we had our cuddle phase (I’m still so amazed that we did that haha) there were so many times I actually wanted to just stay there forever and be in your presence, your embrace… from giving you forehead kisses, to you constantly playing with my hair and my stubble I just always felt at home with you.

Every time you called me cute and helped reassure my confidence I was just always so speechless that I could never say anything back even though I wanted to compliment you in every way.

I know that we aren’t exactly meant to be together like that or whatever and that we’ve had our problems but the point is that I just wanted to tell you how amazing you are and to tell you how much I miss you.

This past year has been the hardest year of my life.  Both physically and emotionally.

I’ve cried so many times to just have things go back to the way they were. I wasn’t ready for the real world yet. I moved away from all the people who cared about me and I’ve felt so alone.

It’s been a lot of mental rebuilding to understand who I am.

Why do I get attached to people so much?  I’ve questioned how I could’ve lost an amazing friend, my best friend, like you. I called myself toxic all the time and tried to learn from my mistakes.

I know that things will never be the same and that I need to move on, but gosh darnit I don’t ever want to move on from you.  There’s no way I could ever replace you and what you meant to me Wenting, no way in hell.

I love you to the moon and back and nothing will ever change that.

I hope you’re doing well and you’ve found people who can care for you even more than you care for them.  People who will support you in every way along the journey that is your life.

When I think who is going to save the world, it’s not going to be superheroes or anyone like that.  All i see is you!

I know you are going to be able to achieve anything you have ever wanted because when you want something you are determined to make it happen. I mean look at how much you’ve already done! You are so strong and it’s just so exciting to see you work and succeed in life!

I’m just so very jealous of all the people that get to see you and interact with you.  I hope they seriously know how f*cking lucky they are to be in your life.  I was so lucky to have met you.

As you said many, many times (honestly too many),  I don’t really know why we were friends, but I am forever grateful to have met you and spent these 4 years with you.  There is nobody else I would have wanted.

I’m not going to ask that I remain in your life when I’ve clearly caused you a lot of emotional exhaustion and pain and since I’m also so far in VA, but you will forever remain in my memory as my sunshine.

Whenever I’m feeling lost or cold, I remember you and ask “what would Wenting do or say here”, and almost always I’m able to find the warmth and direction that you so selflessly gave me.

Thank you for literally everything.

Happy birthday Wenting.
:’) <3 :3


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