Love Letters to Him

by Catherine Park ( USA )

Dear Jalontey,

You’re driving me insane. You’re slowly killing me  and it’s so much worse at night because I’m just lying there, thinking, remembering, and wishing. I still can’t sleep on your side of the bed.

You would tell me that we’re grown and that we’re not kids anymore, so we should treat our relationship like we’re adults.

I think we both were at fault in this however. We both had to grow up, and somehow the realization caused us to grow apart. I think we both had been doing things that we knew weren’t beneficial for us as a couple. But listen… I’m not going to list out everywhere we went wrong and what I could’ve done better because I can’t change it now. Wishing is not the same thing as doing and I can’t do anything at this point anymore.

You promised me you would marry me one day. But it’s OK, because a happy marriage is more important than one where we are constantly getting hurt.

But I won’t forget this because you’re the first person I ever considered an actual future with. Sometimes we make promises that at the time seem so possible, but later become impossible and that is one hundred percent alright. What’s important is that at one time in our lives we meant it.

Ultimately Jalontey, my sweet boy, I want you happy.

Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing I hope it brings you joy.

Know that I found God is real, and we happened for a reason. Everything about our relationship, every detail and breakup happened, I think, so it could help me.

When we broke up for that last time it felt like you kept taking from me.

You had taken my heart and completely shattered it and you took my trust and ruined it. Not just for us but for every boy that would come after. You took my name and lied on it, you took my mind and constantly occupied it and I was barely holding it all together.

But…… it made me stronger and more careful.

Jalontey I still love you after everything and I don’t think it will ever truly go away, no matter how much more time passes.

If we are meant to be, God will ensure that he will bring you home to me, my arms, and my bed.


Leave a Comment