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  • Forever Love

    Forever Love

    by KK ( Atlanta )

    To my forever:

    Someone told me to “just get over you”. As true as it may possibly be, it hurts more to do so.

    I mean, how do you get over someone that’s had such an impact on your life? Someone that you shared so much with? Someone that you love with every being in you?

    It’s been over a year that I discovered another woman enjoying your love for even longer than I knew of. She enjoyed you playing father to her kids while watching you walk away from yours. She enjoyed the pain on my face when discovering you and her.

    I know that we both made mistakes and God knows how sorry I am. God knows I spend every day telling Him I’m sorry and asking Him to whisper it to you each time.

    How did we go wrong so fast. Do you wonder why I can’t heal?

    Because I see you when I see my daughters. I see them when I see you.

    I never understood how you could be with someone else while I grieved the death of our daughter. Your favorite girl.

    She loved you like no other and she was so proud of you. So every time, I think of her I think of you. I stare at the pictures of you to and wonder how I could lose you both so quickly. How could my life turn so quickly.

    I used to say I made my mistakes because of your behavior. But reality is that I am a very wise woman that should have known better.

    I should have known to let time be. I should have known that God would work it out and He didn’t need my help. I should have kept my mouth shut because I embarrassed us and our family.

    But I’ll never get the chance to make things right with us.

    Every morning I say I love you. Every night I say I’m sorry. And when you cross my mind during the day, I pray for His special angels to cover you.

    Many want me to move on. Many say they want me happy. And that there’s someone out there to make me happy. Well it’s you and only you. So no, I won’t move on.

    I’ll wait. Patiently. For my forever love. And if you don’t come back, just know I’ve died with you entwined in my heart and soul.

    My love for you will never allow for me to force peace in the arms of another. I refuse to smile for another. I’ll let wait strong and patient. My forever and always is true and pure. I refuse to change.

    And until our time again, always and forever

     

  • Forever, and Ever

    Forever, and Ever

    by JN

    To Yadi,

    I know I always come off as corny because I do these types of acts, but when you’re as happy of a man as I am then these seem reasonable.

    So Yadi here’s another one of those long boring love notes where I talk about how special you are to me and how much I love you, but I wanna try something different this time, I wanna talk about how I make you feel and what I do for you.

    When I first met you, you were coming off something serious that hurt you , even till this day! You received a message from this unknown person on Facebook and like any normal person would’ve done, you could’ve left me on read, but you didn’t.

    Instead you gave a ginger haired man a shot. A shot that’s well… it’s a shot of a lifetime because that’s what we are, a lifetime of joy and happiness.

    You didn’t seem too intrigued in me at first but I had to keep going and try to convince you into liking me which eventually for the weirdest reason you did.

    Here we are several months later and we’re semi-official.

    It’s something I cherish and take great pride in because just the fact that I have you and we talk is something I wanna yell out to the world.

    I know I bring you great happiness and help you forget about your past. I’m the person who fulfills your needy needs, you’re human alarm clock.

    I’m just someone who always looks out for you and that’s something you best get used to.

    Now if you made it this far, congrats you love me.

    Thank you dork for making me smile on a daily basis. I was confused my whole life and never thought love would find me, but here you are. You stepped into my life and completely threw that out the window.

    I know there are times where you question my love, and think if it’s true or not , but my love for you is different.

    I love candy but it doesn’t fill my heart up with joy or the amount of excitement that Yadira Q. does.

    I love you baby, I will always be here for you no matter the outcome. You completely won over my heart.

    God bless you nerd , I hope everything you ever desire in life comes true to form. I hope I’m a part of it all to annoy you through it.

    I love you.

    You’re Boyfriend Carlitos

     

  • Goodbye, I Love You

    Goodbye, I Love You

    by JMG

    Dear Anthony,

    It’s been 3 months since you went away. I still think about you everyday.

    Is it sad that I can’t seem to move on no matter how hard I try?

    I wanted you to love me for the rest of our lives. That’s what I wanted, but never got my wish.

    I should’ve told you how I felt when you were still here, but it seemed like even when I said it, I couldn’t change your mind.

    It’s sad that love made me blind. I wish that I would have never chosen my friends over you, that was a foolish thing to do.

    Loving you was always the best part of me. Now that your gone, I know I’m too late.

    God brought us back together, and I thought that it was fate. Now I realize that God puts us through tests for reasons, reasons I will never seem to know.

    But, what I do know is that I must let you go.

    Even with the tears in my eyes as I’m typing this, it hurts me inside.

    My heart has always been broken, but you fixed it, and left it, and now I miss it. You were a blessing and a curse all at the same time, but I learned to confront my demons, all in his greater name.

    You always took it as a joke, the love I had for you.  I guess I really am too late now, it was never really fate.

    Something always brings me back to the day, when you first went away.  I knew when you said you’d be back you were lying. I could see it in your eyes.

    But still I hold on, I’ll just hold out for a hero, until the morning light…

    -Goodbye.

    JMG

     

  • A Confession to My Love Chérie

    A Confession to My Love Chérie

    by Billy

    My Darling Chérie,

    You are the light that shines through the darkness for me. You are my beacon, my lighthouse, my love.

    When I think about all that you’ve done for me and all the times you’ve been there for me, I worry that I’m not worthy of you or your love.

    When I betrayed your trust by telling you that I did not want to marry you, it simply wasn’t true. It was a lie.

    I want you to be happy more than anything in the world and hope that one day you will fully forgive me for those words and allow me to make it up to you. I’m diligently working on it and am hoping you will welcome me back fully into your heart one day soon, when I get down on bended knee.

    The truth is I am weak and scared. I’m frightened about having you in my life and then losing you. Our love is too much for me sometimes, too good to be true. I shy away from committing to you because I’m afraid you will go away somehow because of something I did, said, or circumstance.  My love for you is so strong that I have trouble holding on to the thought of us being together always. I question why I should be so blessed to be your chosen one.

    The strangest part of all is that if you came to me today and said you wanted to be with another guy because he makes you happy, I would immediately let you go to him. Knowing I want your happiness that much is what makes me so sure of my love for you.

    Not a day goes by that I do not regret those words and wish I could take them back. I hurt you deeply and will always be sorry for that.  You are the love of my life and have built a home in my heart.

    I remember the first holiday we took together as a couple and how happy we were. It was during that trip when these fears began. I realized how happy I was and couldn’t imagine my life without you. I want more of those times with you, I want a life with you and I hope you feel the same even after I said what I did.  I cherish every second we spend together and will always love you.

    I write this to you as my confession.  I write this to you because I love you so much yet or some reason was still able to hurt you.

    I am confessing to you now because you mentioned there were things you did not like in our relationship. My behavior, actions, and words are often driven by my fears and I am working on conquering them so that they don’t destroy us. I’m not sure how much of a big deal all this is for you, but it’s a huge deal for me. So I am taking control early, and fixing myself because I now recognize the problem.

    I love you dearly and I am working to become the man you deserve.

    I love you. Forever.

    Billy

     

  • A Birthday Love Poem

    A Birthday Love Poem

    by JJ (Texas)

    My one, my only, my birthday love.
    I bless this day like no other.

    The angels came together and you were born.
    My soulmate brought from the heavens.

    In summertime, our love is joyful, like whispers floating in the breeze.
    In wintertime, our love is warm — so heated and sheltered from the cold outside.

    My one, my only, my birthday love.
    I bless this day like no other.

    When skies are blue, our love is joyful — two people frolicking in the sun.
    If thunder rolls our love is grateful, a refuge from the mesmerizing rain.

    When spring flowers bloom, our love is bold, like rose petals floating in the sea.
    When autumn leaves fall, our love is gold, shining bright like a harvest sunrise.

    My one, my only, my birthday love.
    I bless this day like no other.

    What potion did the angels discover on this day so many years ago.
    A magical recipe like no other, a dish perfectly suited to me.

    Today I shall dream of your beautiful mind, piercing eyes and warm smile.
    And thank the universe for bringing you to my life.

    My one, my only, my birthday love.
    I bless this day like no other.

    Your soul is kind like none other I’ve met.
    My love for you knows no limit, I pray the journey is long.

    I travel with you close to my heart and in my mind.
    Near or far, none of it matters to my adoring eyes.

    My one, my only, my birthday love.
    I bless this day like no other.

    They say that roses are red, violets are blue.
    With you in my life, I see all colors in every bloom.

    A perfume descends over me whenever you’re around.
    Magnolia fields grow and blooms abound.

    My one, my only, my birthday love.
    I bless this day like no other.

    From one year to the next, our love will continue to delight.
    From season to season I will love you always.
    My one, my only, my love.

     

  • A Guide to Loving Her for the Next Guy

    A Guide to Loving Her for the Next Guy

    by Salvador ( South Africa )

    To the next guy…

    Some people search for a million things in a person and they can never find it because they are looking for things unreal.

    Some want a calm person who can never lose their temper, some want someone who is lavish towards them but thrifty on others. Some want immense intellect but not so much to cause an inferiority conflict, some want a hunk / bombshell for themselves but they want the want the world to be envious without trying to make a move on them.  Some want a stallion or wild one inside the house and outside a quiet person.

    People look for a world of things in one person but don’t find it and then they go searching from person to person still unable to find it.

    Truth be told you can find everything in one person, everything you need.

    There is a person who is hard to describe.  A person whom when you meet, you can’t help but smile at them.

    If everything in the world is harsh to you, just by looking at that person every pain and problem disappears. You can sit for hours listening to their stories and events they wish to share even fall asleep listening to them. Not because they are boring but because you tired yourself out.

    There is this someone who is strong on the outside but soft and delicate on the inside.

    Hard and strong as the most invincible armour which nothing, no problem, no hate, no negative forces, no horrendous matters can penetrate.

    If you are worthy and if you are given the honour of passing through that hard exterior then you will reach a centre, a centre like nothing ever imaginable. So welcoming, soft, delicate, beautiful.

    When wounded it nurtures you, when hungry it feeds you, when in doubt it advises you, when tense it eases you, when in love it loves you a thousand times over.

    This person, well she is right in front of you.

    This person when hurt will forgive but will also be cautious. This person is like no other ever born or made. This person can be a home to comfort you and be by your side, or they can be the executioner.

    She liked me, we had some small similarities, we always loved each other’s company.

    I had never been so madly in love before and that too with someone who was so amazing.

    I spent my time reassuring her that I was hers, amidst all of that I neglected to give her the simplest of things she asked from me.

    No woman will ever stand by me through the ups and downs as she did. She helped me understand myself, my goals, my objectives. When I failed a test, she was the first person I called. When I got robbed, she was the first person I rushed off too.

    She is my home.

    People have all the wealth and still are unhappy, she was my wealth, my world and without her I was unhappy.

    She compromised her families values and rules, to be more considerate towards me.

    The things she did for me nobody would even think of doing let alone do.

    You know it’s the simple things I remember. I never used to let anyone do anything for me because I am a self-made man. Yet I look forward to her making me a cup of tea even if it is not sweet at all.

    If she cooked me dholl and rice every day I would eat it with so much of happiness because I know she would have cooked it with love for me. She set an example of theft for me, lol stealing gift wrap within gift wrap.

    She snuck out to see me, to spend time with me.

    We even had a rain moment. I even locked her in the boot once but she survived.

    She loves sweet stuff but not too much or her tummy pains. Always loves spicy foods. She has her own taste in music, so if she mentions a song, go and download it, listen, memorize and sing it to her.

    On that note, if you hear her sing, your heart will melt.

    She has a beautiful voice.

    Never ever let her buy something impulsively, she will like it the same time but regret it the next day.

    Never judge her, just suggest to her you opinion because remember there is no such thing as right or wrong, you both have different opinions.

    She is moody, you can be candyfloss to her in one moment and the next you can be pushed off a building. Never instigate unless she wants to speak. She is very delicate at her heart right now. Don’t hurt her.

    She doesn’t need that. She needs love when she feels down. She needs reassurance when in doubt, she needs food all the time.

    She loves hugs. Those tight squishy ones but not too tight it hurts her, everyday.

    She loves morning kisses (if you get put off by her bad morning breathe before she brushes her teeth, just pretend it’s okay).

    She loves peanut butter sandwiches and tea for breakfast.

    If you get her something, get something simple. She isn’t into the fancy stuff. Spoil her more with your time and love than material things.

    Never lie to her, she may forgive you but it breaks her trust in you and that no matter how long will be hard to repair.

    Always remain loyal and faithful to her, you even pick your head up at another girl or flirt then you better shoot yourself now. Never no matter what, don’t do anything to make her jealous.

    You love her, talk about her to others, make them jealous of the most amazing girl you have in your life.

    She will do things for you if you ask but never force her. She will love you with all her heart and soul and give you her everything.

    Just always honour her name and reputation.

    If she and her family sets rules, abide by them and don’t ever break them, you will end up hurting her. Don’t be forward and don’t be a jerk. Rather lose a fight today than lose her forever.

    Her memory is that of a 1245405035GB Hard drive. It will remember everything.

    Always motivate her, guide her, show her, her true potential. Never disclose faults she may have. Rather speak to her and tell her what you noticed and ask her to be aware of it too. Never be closed to letting her do the same for you. You are the equal halves to each other.

    Share your problems, your joys, your dreams, aspirations, adventures with each other. You are each others best friend and spouses for life. Come what may no matter how tough things get, don’t give up on her or don’t leave her side.

    Friends come and go, good times and bad times come and go, problems and joys too, but the person who stands by you will remain as your comforter and support through everything.

    When she is angry or hurt, give her space, she needs time to calm down and reflect.

    Don’t jump the gun and storm in to fight, always look to work things out. A tiff between the both of you should remain as such, let not the outside world know of it for it could make things worse.

    Love, respect, cherish, be honest, trust her, remain loyal and faithful to her. This is all she asks for.

    Give her this and you will walk side by side with the most amazing beautiful creation present on this earth. Guide her so that you may lead her to jannah. She needs you and she seeks your support.

    Love her with all your heart, she is your world, you everything. Remember Love Allah(swt), fear him and love her for his sake.

    You may ask who am I giving you this lengthy description of this wonderful woman.

    To that I say, I am not important, I am just a faded memory from her life.

    Question her not and doubt her neither for she is virtuous and chaste. I am the one who failed to listen and hurt her.

    I broke her heart and for that I cried every moment knowing I broke the heart of the woman who meant everything to me and I lost her.

    She guided me to being a better human and better Muslim, had I only listened when I was in her life I would be where you are right now.

    She gave me her love, her support and was always there for me.

    What she gave me was enough. She taught me the meaning of contentment and frugality. Her love was enough for me to survive.  All I ever needed was her.

    I saw my future with her, she was my best friend, I saw her as my soul mate, I saw her as my everything. I will continue to love her for loving her within me helps me live day by day.

    You have the world’s most priceless treasure in front of you, I valued her and loved her beyond all measures but I made the mistake of hurting her.

    I apologized but I guess it was too late. Now I live with what I have left of her in my heart.

    Do not fear my words or think of them as rash but I truly loved her and I will forever love her. In my duas and every breathe I whisper her name, praying for her and asking Allah(swt) to protect her and keep her happy.

    She is the woman you would give everything up for except Allah(swt). She is the woman who meant the world to me and I loved her eternally

    Take this letter as a guide to prevent you from walking down the road I am on now, a road where a broken heart and a lifetime of moments and memories is all I have left.

    A road where I wish I could have worked things out with her and resolved our problems.

     

  • A Letter to My First Love

    A Letter to My First Love

    by Paris (New Zealand)

    You know you really truly loved someone when even after all the sh*t they put you through, your heart still races when you make eye contact, even if it’s for a second.

    Your stomach still gets butterflies whenever they’re near you and you get that familiar feeling in your chest. When just being a few feet away from you, or in the desk in front of you makes your heart want to scream.

    Love is a complex set of emotions that I know you didn’t have at that time and honestly, you probably won’t know how to process them like I do until your older I guess. Maybe not until years after we’ve parted and long forgotten about the dramatic years of high school, there’s really no way to tell if you’re really in love but I didn’t have to google anything, I didn’t have to think about how I felt; I just knew.

    And just by trusting my gut that’s how I knew how I felt towards you, I was in love, head over heels and you had no idea until I told you. You were completely clueless and although the thought of it was wonderful, I felt bad because I knew you deserved the truth or at least a part of it until now.

    I know you’re never going to read this but it’s true, you were my first love even though we were never in any type of relationship, not friends or dare I even say; a couple.

    Your presence used to make me so happy, whenever you walked into the room, it was like I was seeing you for the first time, you were my drug and I was addicted.

    I’ll never forget the way my heart would race whenever your eyes made contact with mine, whenever your lips would form that smirk that I hated so much because I knew that you had caught me staring at you. Or when I heard that laugh of yours that wasn’t too deep but deep enough to where it was just right.

    I always loved seeing you happy with your friends, sometimes I used to wish it was me making you laugh.  I used to wish that I could be the one you went to when you were stressed or tired, the one you would come to when you were happy or sad.

    I wished I was the one to cuddle up to you at night, to run my fingers through your hair or tell you it was going to be alright when you felt like the world was against you.

    I knew when you were in a rough space.  I could tell by how you hung out with the wrong people at the time, how you smoked weed on what seemed like a daily basis, even though it wasn’t. I could tell by the way you talked and posted about how you apparently drank every weekend and sometimes during the week from what I had heard, though I knew it couldn’t have been true.

    I know you weren’t my responsibility but I wished I had  been there for you and honestly I tried to be, even when you pushed me away saying it wasn’t any of my business.

    I noticed the little things about you, the way you would zone out when you got bored and distracted in class, mostly when the teacher had seemed to lose your attention with whatever they were saying. I noticed how your grades had dropped when you were in that rough space, I knew because I noticed how you began slowing down in class, not seemed bothered by the fact you could fail, frankly, it seemed like you had given up on everything.

    I didn’t like that but I knew you could make it through whatever was going on because I had faith in not only God but in you and your ability to pick yourself up.

    I noticed how you tried to do better, I noticed right away when you had started putting effort back in.  I knew because you seemed happier than before, you seemed content, and honestly that’s all I ever wanted for you; to be happy with what you had and to be happy with what you were doing.

    You probably never knew but I noticed how sick you were recently, when you had the flu? Even though you were a bit away, I could see how red your little nose was, how your face was slightly pale and you could definitely tell you were not supposed to be at school.

    A part for me wanted to come over there and tell you to go to the nurses and go home, but I knew you wanted to be at school, to be getting that education you had worked so hard for because you knew it would make your parents more proud of you, even though I knew they were beyond just proud.

    But seeing you like that made a part of my heart that you took when you left come back, the feelings of wanting to take care of you and make sure you were okay intensified greatly and all I wanted to do was make sure you were resting and getting better. But I knew you’d just say you were fine and tell me it’s not my business but it still hurt my heart a little to see you sick.

    Lately, I’ve noticed how happy you’ve been since you realized you were out of that space, and seeing you happy, surrounded by good people it’s been nice to see you enjoying life.

    I know it must’ve been hard, and as much as your stubborn self would hate to admit it; you would’ve cried once or twice, maybe you didn’t cry at all and I’m wrong but maybe I’m right in a different way and you just kept yourself distracted but I know you felt like it. I could read you like a book back then, I can’t anymore but sometimes I think that’s cause my hearts moved on.

    I don’t pay much attention to you anymore.  My heart doesn’t rapidly beat as much as it used too and the butterflies in my stomach don’t flutter as they once did when you were around.

    I’m writing this letter because I feel like it’s time for me to move on fully, it’s kind of a way for me to get everything out and move on with life.

    You’re probably wondering why I liked someone like you, even after the sh*t you put me through, even though the arguments and the fall-outs we had, but even when I thought we were attempting to be friends, I still loved you and your sparkly brown eyes that I could tell used to search my eyes wondering why the hell I was staring at you in the first place and the mean look they gave me when I screwed up after that whole incident with your best friend back in year 9.

    I loved your slightly tan and slightly chiseled face when you laughed and how you had little creases by your eyes when you laughed.

    Truth is that now, I can tell you don’t care about the past as much as I do but I feel like a part of you found humor in it and that’s okay. But what I’ll never forget is the words and deep laugh that came out of your pouted slightly reddish lips, whether the words were mean, casual or just when your mouth would curl into a smile, or when a friend of yours made a dumb joke.

    You didn’t have to say anything for me to smile at you, everything you did made me happy.

    Sometimes I think about the future and what it might be like for you or what things could’ve been like if we worked out in some miraculous way.  Maybe you’ll meet someone who loves you in a similar way I did, maybe she’ll love you more than I did and you’ll maybe love her back just as much if not even more than that.

    But everyone deserves love and although you broke my heart into pieces and she ripped yours to shreds after she let you go for your best friend, we all deserve to love someone like I loved you and to be loved by someone the same way.

    I know you’ll never see this but do me a favor yeah? If you ever get the chance to be loved by another person who wants to give you their all, just give it a go ok?

    She’ll give you the world if you give her the chance to prove it and trust me, you’ve got nothing to lose, and when I say you might find love, real love, like the type I had for you, like the type I’ll always have for you bud, don’t forget to just let it happen.

    You’re going to be happy okay? Don’t let anyone else tell you differently, and also stop being such a stubborn hypocrite alright?

    Just work on being more open-minded and if you can’t find love in one place, just keep looking, expand your horizons and explore your options because the best type of love comes when you least expect it.

    Don’t go looking for love similar to what I tried to give you because it won’t come, trust me I know. But yeah this is my goodbye to you and our past, please don’t screw it up if she’s doing good things for you and spoiling you like the king she treats you as, because if you do I’ll personally come and beat some sense into you hear me?

    Alright OK, I’m done.

    Thanks for the memories, the late-night messages and the laughs, I’ll cherish it forever you tough cookie  and thank you, like seriously, with everything I have, thank you for teaching me how to love, what love is and what love feels like.

    Your purpose has been filled  Go out and enjoy life a bit too bud, you’ve only got one life so go and enjoy it.

     

  • A Love  Letter to ‘D’

    A Love Letter to ‘D’

    By ‘N’ (USA)

    There was once a time when I thought that our paths in life represented waves of some type: we started out at opposite ends but started gradually approaching each other before eventually converging at a single point for a very brief and ephemeral instant in time before heading in opposite directions again, spiraling farther and farther away from each other until we ended up on completely opposite ends again.

    Of course I was a much better writer back then, so I probably articulated this concept far more clearly and likely phrased it quite eloquently and it must’ve been very beautiful and poetic. But now I’m starting to think this is reality.

    I used to believe in my heart of hearts that despite my little wave theory, I would see you again—was it blind, desperate hope?—but now you’re going far, far away, and there’s a very tangible chance that I might never see you again.

    Don’t get me wrong—I am so incredibly happy for you!

    You have been dealt some bad cards in life and you were not in a good place when we knew each other. It seems like you’re in a far better place now though, and much happier too, and it makes me happy beyond belief that you chose to defy all odds and hunkered down to focus on creating and building an entirely new life for yourself.

    I always knew there was something special about you, especially with how keen and attentive to others you were and how quickly you could pick up new concepts, and now that you’re off to train to become a lawyer in one of the top law schools (isn’t it #1?) globally, there is not a single shadow of a doubt in my mind that you are going to become one hell of a lawyer someday.

    If I were any of your classmates or future colleagues, I would be intimidated out of my mind. You’re going to be a formidable force in the courtroom and brilliant at whatever you choose to do. I am so so happy and so so proud of how far you’ve come, and I can’t wait to see all the wonderful things life must have in stock for you.

    But all of that being said, it’s still bittersweet, personally, sort of a slap in the face to how things really are.

    I’m sure that this is karma for neglecting you and that this should be the moment of truth where I realise our paths will never cross again. It makes me sad. It makes me very, very sad because you will likely remain one of my favorite people I will have ever gotten the privilege to know.

    I’m so sorry for being a terrible friend and for squandering the opportunity that the world had given me. You really are as special as I thought you were. I was right about that.

    And it seems like even though we’ll probably never see each other again, you’ll still continue to teach me lessons for the rest of my life.

    You taught me how to be a good friend, you taught me how to wear my heart on my sleeve, and now you’re teaching me that I shouldn’t take people for granted and that I should always strive to keep in touch with those who have left an impression in my life.

    You’re also teaching me that I should strive to believe the good that I see in others, instead of questioning the motives behind their decisions.

    You are, through and through, a good person.

    I remember you asking me all the time whether I had regrets, because you had several, and it seems like you’ve come a very, very long way from whoever you used to be. I am so proud of you for that, but God, I’m so freaking sad. You really were just someone who had temporarily lost his way. S was right. I was right, before I started believing you were bad. You’re a good person. I was wrong. I’m sorry.

    I miss you so much. I’m so happy for you. I’m so sad I won’t ever get to see you again. I love you. I miss you.

    I hope I’m wrong in that our paths do cross again. You’re one of the best people I have ever met. I’m always rooting for you, even if you don’t know it.

    I love you. Take care. Be safe. Be good to yourself. Love life and love others. Do what you do best and be a positive influence in other people’s lives. You’re an amazing person. I will never stop cheering for you. I love you and I miss you and I wish there were more people in the world like you, angel.

    I guess this is goodbye, in a way (though certainly not the last time I will be writing about you). I never anticipated that I would have to experience this particular brand of sadness that is associated with you all over again, yet here we are, four years later.

    I know you don’t think of me, but you’re always in the back of my mind. I used to hate it, used to deny it and hate you for pervading my thoughts all the time, but I’ve come to accept it at this point. Hell, I even printed out that collage of our selfies you sent me during winter break and stuck it in my wallet!

    Even if I end up getting married someday, I probably still won’t remove it even though it will probably be strange for my spouse that I continue to possess such an intimate memento of someone else. (I’m sorry, future spouse; you have no idea how huge of an impact this guy has left on me.) But I guess today marks the day that I stop hoping for our paths to cross again, because it seems so very highly unlikely anymore.

    Today marks the day that I accept the reality of the situation, which is that it was always my fault and I can never stop blaming myself for what I did to you. Sure, I was not in my right state of mind, but that doesn’t serve as an excuse for the things that I said or didn’t say, the things that I did or failed to do.

    Today marks the day that I realise my biggest regret, my biggest failure, was and will forever remain in rejecting your friendship. I guess in a sense, today marks the day I actually become an adult and accept full responsibility for my actions, instead of imagining and hoping and yearning for an alternate reality.

    And if that’s the case, then maybe you’ll get to meet a different me, instead of the current or past me. Maybe that’s what I should have been working towards all along: letting my dreams of you wither and disappear to make room for self-accountability. After all, growth can’t take place in an area that’s already occupied.

     

  • A Love Letter & Poem to Dam

    A Love Letter & Poem to Dam

    by Cy

    Hey, Hun… This is another reward, but really, it’s just a long ass message just for you.  Before I start, I just wanna say I love you, cause why not, right?? Pfft!

    I’m good at doing this in roleplay and stuff, but anyway, the words I write there aren’t really sincere. But I want to let you know that I feel embarrassed and happy as I write this one. Just keep in mind that it’ll be quite deep HAHAHAHA.

    I’m a cold person in real life.

    Most of the time, I keep thinking that emotions are so stupid. But of course, in the end, it always come back to haunt me.

    I’m never good at romance stuff because I’ve never been able to do it, you know that. I just mimic what other people do and usually, it’s not sincere. It doesn’t make me feel good because I didn’t do it myself. I feel as if I stole someone’s idea and replicated the emotions they felt as they send it. For me, it’s not sincere at all.

    But dang it. Making these videos, these messages, and these drawings for you, it has pulled up something from inside of me. The only thing in my mind as I make those things is for you to be happy.

    I want you to be happy with everything I do. I know it doesn’t really compare with others’ works, but hey, I made it with love HAHA.

    As each second ticks by every time we talk, it feels as if fire is licking at my skin, but it doesn’t burn me. It feels as if you are in front of me, arms encasing my whole being while your heart is connected to mine.

    I,

    ‘A lone pygmy amongst
    meat with tainted faces,
    molded into inscrutable porcelain,
    constructed with uniform grimaces,
    is perdition itself.

    Loud thunder crackles,
    pond moaning ripples,
    scarlet blood splattering,
    and breaking pulchritudinous glass,
    hellacious inferno raged,
    detritus scattering in the hearth,
    swallowing it whole.

    Black roses rose from ashes,
    wilts almost agog,
    grows as thorns, thus pricking cold riveting courage,
    and perverse idèe fixe.’

    It’s crazy how in tune we both are. You know what’s going on inside my head and I’m the same with you. The connection is so deep, sometimes, that as we talk, I feel so excited and happy and just… content.

    It’s so strong that I often think that saying “I love you” isn’t enough, you know? And it’s really so damn crazy and you make me crazy, and maybe you should think about sending me to a mental asylum pfft!

    You’re a choice I wouldn’t mind choosing over and over again.

    (Honestly, I feel like I need to end this message now before I fan-girl over you and that’ll be creepy.)

    I love you, Dam.

    Yata yataaaa!

     

  • A Love Letter From Me to You

    A Love Letter From Me to You

    by 语嫣 Yu Yan

    Hello, my love!

    How are you? I want to let you know that there’s a person in one corner of the world, miles away from you, who loves you immensely.  Although we are continent’s apart, my flame for you grows stronger, and always will.

    I feel like you and I are birds flying in the sky as one and branches growing on the earth as one.
    (It is a Chinese saying that may not translate well but expresses my love for you and hope for our future.)

    I want to thank you and the heaven’s above for the amazing eight months you’ve given me. It was a dream living in the same city. To walk hand in hand in the evening with you melts my heart when I think about it.

    Everything has its good and bad and this is true of any relationship. The distance we are feeling physically right now is a part of the bad but we must focus on the good.

    Think of older generations who didn’t have computers, phones, texts, or Skype… or any other way of communicating other than through letter writing which could take weeks to arrive? For what we do have, I am so very grateful.

    I think we are lucky and our ‘bad’ is ‘not so bad’.  Yes we are in a long distance relationship but only physically. Emotionally we are connected every day. The time difference is sometimes a challenge but we will keep fighting it, the way we have for the last few months.

    Just a few more months I hope. Okay? And then we will be back in each other’s arms, walking hand in hand, and again create lots of memories. Time will fly, you will see. Trust me.

    I will always stay with you, because is my eyes you are the most beautiful.

    I love you. Take care… I know we will see each other later on Skype but I wanted to have something over the web that remained for eternity to reflect the love I have for you.

    If you are safe and sound, the sky will be blue.

    Yours forever Yu Yan ( 语嫣 )