By Nina (Germany)
Chris,
“Surprise me”, those words… Just two words that made me feel special, adored, admired but also made me feel anxious.
Isn’t it strange? On my weakest days, you are the one who picks me up. You are the one that makes me forget all my anxieties.
I remember being terrified about the next days. You were there for me. You picked me up and spent the night talking to me. And all of a sudden I felt calm, relaxed. Because you hold me in your arms, touched me, talked to me and made sure I was okay.
Still, you made me feel anxious.
You are so good and I am not. You gave me the world and I couldn’t give you anything.
Isn’t it funny? I know you so much and still I don’t know you.
I know your neighbors and they think I am your girlfriend. They even offered me fruits from their garden.
I know your friends. You told me things you couldn’t talk about with them.
Still, I don’t know if you even like me and I don’t know if you know that I like you.
Isn’t it overwhelming? I know, I am so emotional but you absorb them all and make me calm.
Nobody knows we are even meeting. At least you think that.
Isn’t it overwhelming for you to tell nobody? Because for me, it is.
Forgive me.
I haven’t told people the whole truth but sometimes, I am really close to doing it. Some people know I am thinking about a man. Some people know that you pick me up sometimes. But nobody knows all.
Maybe, this is my way of surprising you.
I don’t know. I love you, but I don’t.
I don’t know what you feel about me, but please tell me.
Love always,
Nina
