Why a letter at Christmas does what a card cannot
Christmas cards are written for everyone. The fonts are the same, the lines are the same, and most of them are forgotten by the New Year. A letter is for one person. Yours. It does not have to be long. It has to sound like the year you have just had together.
The other thing a Christmas letter does is mark a kind of pause. The year is almost over. Whatever it was, hard or easy, you got through it together. That is the thing the letter names.
How to start when the words won’t come
Open with where you are on Christmas Eve. “It is just gone eleven and the lights are still on the tree.” “The dog is asleep on your jumper and you are upstairs.” Specific to your house, this Christmas, not a general scene.
Use their name. The first line is no place for “my love.” Save that for later.
Name one thing from this year that you have been carrying around without saying. A week they got you through. A small habit they have that you have grown to love. Something they did in the summer that you have never thanked them for properly. The Christmas hush is the right time to say it.
What to put in the middle
One short paragraph for the year you have just had together, in plain words. Not a recap of every trip. One or two true sentences about how the year felt. “This was a steady year and I think we needed one.” “This was a hard year and you carried it better than I did.”
One short paragraph for tomorrow. Not the presents. The small bits of tomorrow you are looking forward to with them. The way they make coffee on the day. The way they read the cards out loud. The way they fall asleep on the sofa by four.
One plain sentence about them, full stop. “I am glad I get to wake up next to you tomorrow.” “You are the best part of every Christmas I have had since I met you.” “I would not want this with anyone else.” One. Not three.
How to close
Close with a wish for the new year, small and specific. “I hope next year is quieter.” “I hope we go back to the same beach.” “I hope this is the year your dad gets better.” Real wishes, not greeting card ones.
Sign it with whatever you call each other at home. The signature is the part they will look at twice when they read the letter on Christmas Eve and again in February.
Examples to borrow from
Christmas letters from couples in different seasons.
- Read Christmas Eve, Tree Still On, a short letter from a long marriage.
- Read Our First Christmas in This House, on the year they moved in.
- Read For the Year You Got Me Through, written after a hard one.
- Read Christmas Without You, a letter in a year apart.
- Read To the Person Who Makes Christmas Christmas, a quiet letter from the kitchen.
What to avoid
- Trying to summarise the whole year. Pick one thing.
- Listing the gifts under the tree. The letter is the gift.
- Long quotes from carols or poems. One line is fine if it means something. A paragraph is too much.
- Resolutions for the new year inside a Christmas letter. Save those for a separate page.
- Writing it on Christmas morning. The point is the quiet of the night before.
Frequently asked questions
When should I write the Christmas letter?
A few days before, then read it again on Christmas Eve and fix anything that does not sound like you anymore. Writing it on the night itself is romantic in theory and stressful in practice. Most people who try it end up with a hurried letter. Write early, read late.
When should I give it to them?
Late on Christmas Eve, after the loud part of the day is done. Slide it onto their pillow, into the book they are reading, or onto the kitchen counter where they will get coffee in the morning. Christmas morning is too busy. The quiet hour the night before is what the letter was written for.
What if we are apart this Christmas?
Post it early so it arrives before the 24th. Write it the same way, about the year you have just had, the small things you miss, the wish for next Christmas. A long distance Christmas letter is one of the most kept letters on this site. People read them again every December.
How long should a Christmas love letter be?
Half a page to a page. The Christmas Eve hour is quiet but it is not long. A short letter they can read twice in that hour does more than a long one they have to put down. Keep it tight.
Further reading
For a slow read on the romance of letters across distance and time, The Marginalian’s piece on the love letters of John Keats to Fanny Brawne is worth an hour on Christmas Eve.
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