It’s been a very long time, in my heart, in my head, and in reality. And I’ve never stopped thinking about you and our relationship. For some reason I could never seem to get all my thoughts in order. I go down one path and then get confused and muddled by an endless series of “what ifs’ and ‘maybes’.
I’ve wrestled with this ever since we last spoke, hoping that one day I would see things differently or clearly. I think that day came recently.
And since then, a new struggle came to be. Now that things were clear in my head, I began to search for words. Words to say or write, that would convey to even the smallest degree, how I’m feeling. I don’t even know if words or anything else would ever suffice or explain adequately what I feel in my heart and soul.
How can I ever make you understand how very sad and sorry I am that our friendship came to an end.
You were the love of my life. And, I never knew what real love was until I met you. We never were together physically but emotionally two people have never been closer.
To put it in the most plain and simple way, you made my world better just by being in it. Knowing that I would see you and talk to you brought sunshine to the cloudiest days and sweetness to the most bitter moments.
I wish I could apologize for things I did or said wrong but the truth is, that I never really did anything to you. But you never believed me. You listened to other people and you basically turned on me.
I know your kids meant everything to you, as did mine which is why I let you believe all the lies. I didn’t want to be the one to pull you away from your children. That’s how much I loved you and what we had. My only regret is that I never told you how I really felt.
I know you loved me as well and I pray every night that we will somehow find our way back into each others arms…until then I want you to know that my heart is always with you.
I would love to reach out to you now but I worry about rejection. And, if you have moved on with your life I love you too much to ever interfere with that.
For now this letter posted on this site, as a memorial of our love, will have to do.
Love you always G.