by Seat of the Soul (Saint Paul, MN)
It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to look you in the eye searching for an answer to questions that would still leave me unsatisfied.
I remember the moment I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I had just read an article on the 12 diagram chakra system. What stood out to me in this particular reading what chakra number 8, which is the seat of the soul.
By its name I imagined that warm cozy place in the corner of the couch when you snuggle up with your blanket to read your favorite novel or watch a classic film.
Ahh yes, the seat of the soul, those words replayed in my mind over and over again as you led me to the shower where we made love for probably the fourth time and towards the end something strange happened, my inner being just kinda swayed down and got real comfortable.
Ironically the number 8 in numerology is balance, harmony and infinite love.
I’d be lying if I told you that I’m full of joy and have a deep love for us right now because reaching this point, wherever we are, has taken every ounce of strength along with my integrity, dignity, and values.
I’ve given up everything willingly because I began to feel as though this beautiful treasure I’d finally discovered in this dark place we call home was in jeopardy. I couldn’t allow that to happen.
Then after all of my fighting and anger and sadness all out of fear of losing you, here I sit. Alone on my single person bed writing a love letter.
I’d like to tell myself that you’re the one that got away but truth is that I never actually had you.
Meeting you was a time of self discovery. I know now those journeys can only really be taken alone.
Spending all that time fighting my way through, quite sure that I was on my way somewhere, anywhere, besides where I opened my eyes for the first time. Boy was I wrong. And after all this time I’ve just now finally peeled back all the layers around me, all the things that have been weighing me down for what has felt like an eternity.
I have no idea who we are together. I don’t even know if I will have the opportunity to see it either. All I can say with the utmost honesty is that while I was on may way down, down all the way down to my core self, I pray that you were on a journey of your own.
I say this because it’s your turn now.
I’d like to not try being in control of everything for once. Here I have no hopes, expectations, worries, nor fear. I am completely naked, exposed and at your mercy.
However, I figure I’d better tell you this now before I change my mind. I really believe that lovers come and go so right now I need a friend.
P.S. If this letter ever finds you. Then Ill know.